Dear DrAgony Auntie - Please help me out

Hello FatherXmas fancy hearing from you at this time of the year!  Not exactly your quiet time is it?
  I think you may be mistaken in calling me a kind lady - FatherXmas, you  forgot me one year when I was a child, and things have never  been the same since!

Like a lot of overweight people you seem to be making excuses for your overeating.
In our house we only leave out a small glass of water for you,  as we can quite clearly see that you do not need feeding up.
You do not need to eat everything that  is left out for you.  Simply dispose of it in a discreet fashion - maybe feed some of those starving children throughout your travels.
The children in the poorer countries really seem to get a bad deal from you at the moment don't they?  In fact only a month ago I was packing up a shoe box full of goodies to send away to a poor child - not really my job was it!
Stay away from the mince pies and while you are at it stop drinking the alcholic beveridges which are left out for you as well - only last week I heard a young child telling his mother, after a visit to see you at a local store,  that Father Christmas smells of beer!   Not exactly a good look is it?
Pull yourself together, control what goes in that big hairy mouth of yours and things should start to look better by next year!
Happy Christmas
DrAgony Auntie